This post will be in a mess.. So bear with it.. Its a mixture of everything. Dont read it if you dont wish to. It doesnt matter cos it doesnt make any difference..

Finally, the camp over,(like a day ago) but the course is not.&i slept for 1 fully day at home after the camp and lunch with D&co. So, this upcoming Saturday, i must return back to school for instructor-ing. I dont know should i post not bout the camp.. It seems like i should not. Cos more of bad things will appear instead of good.. Maybe briefly la i guess. I hope what is being type will remain as it is, and readers who read wont tell those who at the camp there, especially the CIs.. Cos i dont wish for them to know.. And i dont wish for more complication..
Seriously, who wont admit it that they would want to win certain things.. Even if they are wrong they would find something to cover back the things so that it appears that they are the right one, and they can escape saying the simplest yet the hardest to say word; sorry.
Even before the camp i dont feel belong already.. I feel like on the spot, there and then, i would like to say, Thanks for the offer, thanks for everything. But i have a bad feeling being part of this. &i dont agree with the comments you guys have bout me bout the previous BOLT camp, therefore im withdrawing from this instructor team. But i didnt. S T U P I D! Should have just do it. Damn!All i didnt do it is because, i dont want to leave a bad image as a SI and i want to follow my heart..Plus can see D..& i thought everything will be alright.. &i thought things will be back the same old ways.., but it didnt.. Things changed as time passes by.. So does people.. Should know that earlier.. Or should i say i should remember that more early..Endured it.. Thought it will be fine and its just that i think too much as usual.. But myabe this thinking of mine, just losing control.. Or its just seems too real to be ignored..Sighs.. It hurts already on the first day.. But it didnt ended there.. Lets say it briefly k. Hope i can remember clearly, cos currently tired..

1st day ; sometimes talked with them, feels like talking with a wall.. either that or they give me the cold shoulder or that feeling.. sometimes i just feel like its no longer the same as last time..And they keep blaming me during debrief. Not directly, but indirectly?idk..It seems much better if im not there.. Sighs.

2nd day; i did tried to improve myself based on their comments. But there was one time i was too tired.. Cos not enough sleep on the previous night. I sort of got scolding cos of slping in my full u in the NP room.Okay maybe its wrong.. Maybe its really my fault, my bad. Nevermind. Then i went to go and buy some things for them with Dearest.. Came back, learnt something bad. How can they anyhow put the blame on him when he dont know.. Or just sitting down there. Okay, they may scold. But they couldnt just say he didnt contribute much during the previous BOLT camp. He did alot, much more than me. And this is how you all appreciate it?Saying he didnt and all this stuff. You need a reminder, tell me. I can do it for you! What hurts the most, when one of them said that the other one said ; If like this, after BOLT camp;campfire might as well go home.If i were to be there and then, i wouldnt hesistate and wait for after BOLT camp;campfire, i would just packed my bag and leave. After what we have did, if thats the way you want to appreciate it, than fine. So be it.Since only the sec3s did all the work, I swear i tell you, this IS the last camp im gonna contribute. So much for looking forward to this camp.So much for everything.!

3rd day; Was still tired, but i endured and didnt fall asleep. Some events were cancelled or postponed due to time constraint. And they even overslept. Nice huh? Nevermind. They EVEN have a nice sleeping place, with nice surrounding area.Wth. We are the in charge of night duties and didnt have much sleep yet we get much scolding.. Nevermind, i dont mind, cos i admit i didnt scold much to the juniors. If i scold, scold them as a whole squad. I dont punish them.. Only the sec3s did all the work. WOW! We are invisible.. Its okay. P E R F E C T L Y okay.
Cos i dont care. All i did, was try to stay awake and do as i told. Like a diputs god.And they will talk nicely to you if they in need of something i guesS?Hmms, maybe?

Went lunch then went home. Hopefully everything will be done soon.. Cos i had ebough of it seriously.. And readers dont assume that everything is as it is in my post. They arent that bad, only in my opinion, cos i dont feel belong there.. Seriously. Its just based on my thoughts only. Based on fairness, lets just say this is my own side of view..
Seriously, no offence. I enjoyed the camp one thing, cos there is NCC camp.So while sitting or something, when there's a chance, I can see NCC doing something, that's the fun part..And of course while talking with my sec 3s instructors.. So damn funny la.. Anw, what kept me enduring the days of camp, is my D's presence. And perhaps the sec2 might miss me xD

( All the above part you can take it as 2 ways; Im thinking too much and it isnt happening, cos it is busy&serious moment, so therefore they treat me like that.
OR it is happening, and its over. And yep, i've survived it. World is unfair.)

Anyway, asked D to passed the card i make with some of friends wishes with it to the Bday guy. haha. They had a little celebration there too. Although am angried that somehow it sort of interupt our camp fire, but its okay. They didnt know. Haha, they are so funny la, spray water. Haas.And D cleaned up.. And i said; Not bad. He can be a good house husband.And serene just have to shout across the canteen what i said. ZZ.

Anyway, this is dedicated to Sec2s..
Same as Muihwee, I've seen some of you guys improving..,though im not there most of the time. But it doesnt mean you guys stop improving.. Keep on improving.. Keep on practising.. I wanna see the best out of all you on this upcoming Saturday.. There are room for improvements okay?You guys have the potential to be better leaders.. Jiayous and you guys can be a better NCOs.. Learn the mistakes ur NCOs make and dont make it as a step to follow but as a lesson learnt..A lesson learnt to be a better leader, better NCO, better person.. After this camp doesnt mean everything is done with, you guys need to prepare something bigger as you guys as nurturing into NCO.. And i wont be there to guide you guys anymore.. You are no longer being spoon fed or being led, but rather you guys are leading..Cos you guys are the leaders now..
How i wish to say those words to them personally.. Maybe i'll get the chance.. Soon but not just yet..
Anyway, done with the ranting i guess.. Anw, HAPPY 2ND MONTH ANNIVERSARY DEAR!muacks!loveyou!Sorry for today. Just not in a gd mood in the mid of the mid. haha. But overall was alright!Thanks for the cake. you are indeed the 1st guy to do it for this kind of thing D..ilu..
Update pics soon?Anw thats it..Nights and sweet dreams all. My eyes are getting heavier as seconds passed. Will update more when i rmbr more okay?

Loves,
SMBI

The truth hurts. Im sorry for telling you. Maybe i should... Nevermind.Im Thankful you does not mind much bout it right D?Im sorry, &i cant stop saying that.. ilu..You are all i need.. ;D

Wow. Does it seems kG like my bf?haha. He's too good to be mine.. Haha. Cos he's called kian guan. xD He just told me that .. zzz
Nights all ;)