mess

so i took off the previous post, cause its not worth to post. cause it will just be another plain rejection. and without a doubt its just a wishful thinking on my part. fk love life seriously.
yesterday night i just cant fall asleep.
i didnt think that 1-2hrs nap in the afternoon gonna affect me so bad in the night time. stupid to the max. i cant even fall asleep when its gg to 5am. after listening to Eminem's songs, i managed to dozed off and woke up just to answer the nature call at 645am -.- i even woke up at 11plus and went back to slp for a hour. what a night. stupid night. just one of those days. ARGH.
so, maybe a short post.. - or not. so one of my friends, beatrice, organising a BBQ during end of march or start of april. OF COS i wanna go. since i missed the previous chalet. but PARANOIA sucks to the max. i have the feeling i will be outcast. its sucks to the core. i hate the feeling. hate the feeling of not bothering when its the most disturbing thing. so i told her i wanna go. now, i thought twice bout it. even if my bff were to be there, of cos i cant stick with her 24/7 right. absurd man. and its like all the people there is like im not close with. lately, i have the feeling that i received UNWANTED stares. fk you all seriously. k. not lately, but on the CNY celebration at nc. k, old siti is coming back -.- i hate paranoia. i hate having to pretend. fk. so right now, idk whether i should go not. its like hello! if i go = ruined bbq . though is like hangout and catching up times... but you should know who is gonna be there. so maybe im not going so PEOPLE can freaking ENJOY their time MINGLING with one another. see, siti is so considerate man. :D
i got experience to support what i said okay. there's one time when i needa go home due to hari raya or smth. and its like what 2006 or 2007? so there's npcc ongoing still. so i asked one of my squadmates how was them or anything. well, she said they were good, had fun and all. and i wished i could hv been there, sharing everything as well. then suddenly, she said that if i were to be there, they wouldnt enjoy as much cause BEING ME, who is go by the book and wouldnt want them to move in a squad kind of person, i would stop them. and that really annoyed me,perhaps make me till what im having now - PARANOIA. no, i dont blame that person, but i just dont like it the feeling. See, my presence would ruined everything, no?Geez!
so what do you guys think? i should go or no? if i go, i could enjoy myself. or not. yea, either way. see how.
lately, there are people who add me,presuming im a guy. fk them. stupid la. its like unwanted people. or i think virus ? hmms, maybe. so irritating. they like from other countries la. so yea.

k,now im gonna blog bout something.
you know fb got this like fan thingy thing right? once i saw till this one saying that girls who smoke is disgusting. k, this is my opinion. open to all.
whats wrong with girls who smokes? arent we girls and guys humans as well? humans do face the same amount of ordeal in our daily life right. so we (guys and girls) will be stress no? why then, guys can smoke, and girls cant? its just another method of releasing stress or frustration or whatever it is la. its like the statement is total unfair to girls who smoke. not that i smoke, but hell yeah, i did have some puffs when i was WAY younger in teenage life.its not healthy of cos -.- goes without saying la. but still why such statement. i believe whoever smokes is also disgusting be it guy or girl. then if i wanna says this, should be alright la? i find that guys who smokes is act cool kind of guy. fair? of cos you would said no, cause thats not what you intended to do when you smoke. and obviously, girls dont smoke cause they want others to see them as disgusting kind of people. k , idk where im gg to with this, but i said what i wanted. so yea. i just find it unfair when people says that girls who smokes are disgusting.

im done.
back to manga(: Tsubasa reservoir chronicles.

Amy Lerman